So yesterday i was supposed to go snowboarding with the family, but I really didnt wanna go and well we got stuck in like 3 hours of traffic just trying to get UP the mountain (tells you its already crazy crowded) then when we get up there no rentals available, and out of lift tickets. real nice eh?
so we just decided to stop by hte side of the road along the mountain and play in the snow haha
and after that we went to Cabazon outlets where i got new shoes and socks cause i didnt have boots for snow so i wore my regular shoes and they got all messed up and super soaked >< wellyeah i also bought 3 shirts at pacsun and $5 shorts at columbia. yeah it was kinda bleh cause i didnt even wanna go and once we get there everythings all asldfjasl

man i miss her... :/

You don't know what it's like to be next to you
There's nothing I can do or say to change anything
but then again no one cares or would care anyway you know?
It'd probably be seen as me being selfish
as always right?

yeah..

idk theres not much that could happen to stop me from feeling this way
you know?

gobble gobble ribbit ribbit
gobble gobble gobble?
gobble gobble... sigh gobble gobble :/

LOL bet no one can translate that
omg ew i just like drooleed on myself LOL
so like today i went to the ORIGINAL pancake house
i got '49er flapjacks, they were like thin but sooo goooddd like omg
hahahah so sweet
anwyays gobble gobble !!
new years is coming up haha idunno if im doing anythnig as long as its not with family though
and im going to mountain high tomrrow too, frankly not looking forward to it much haha
id rather just go with friends n stuff not with family but yeah... im hoping they wont make me go hahah

gobble gobble wobble wobble!! :]
gobble gobble gobble gobbble <3 (i love you cutie )

I watch the patchwork farm's
slow fade into the ocean's arms
and from here they cant see me stare
the stale taste of recycled air
I watch the patchwork farm's
slow fade into the ocean's arms
Calm down and release your cares
the stale taste of recycled air.

each day that passes idk
i just cant help but feel...
like idk alone and seperated from everything adn everyone.

aseljsdjfasjfoiw
that really hurts...
feel like completely worthless now....

i thought winter break would get better as it went on.

asdlfaslfk

like what the heck happened to have all these things going on?

yesterday went to korean bbq again with some people haha
then went to jrs to play rock band 2 and watchd pineapple express (which was funnier this time )
but yeah overall it was just alright haha nothing special there cept me ryan and paulo started
doing this dogfight thing (airplanes not real dogs) and that was prettyfunny xD
yeah ehheh


on another thought:
really what the hell am i supposed to do...
and to be honest i hate this feeling.

welll hahaha thanks sooo much for the ukulele :]
i seriosly like cant put it down heheh :D
thank thank thank youuu :]

well yeah Merry Christmas :]

its xmas and im at home heh. doing what?
nothing.

this break is feeling really.. bland... its break... and things still seem so routine..
and still theres all these things going on in my mind.
things i want to let go of, but i find always come back in my head.
i dont know...

it feels like winter breaks gone on for at least like a week now ><
idk a lot of the time seems to pass quite slowly heeh
there's not really much to do here i guess, maybe thats why? but then again i dont really want to go anywhere else but stay here; and cause i wake up so darn early -___-
man idk, im not sure i feel that much relaxed haha xD

oso tomrrow is gna rain xD again
heheh so today i went to south coast and i actually bought stuff! beachworks has lots more stuff there xD
I got 2 shirts and 2 jackest :] heehh ifnally right? but still no boxers xD
i miss her :[ seeing saks fifth n stuff actually reminded me of her too cause she likes it xD
heheh didnt find too much stuff though >< jsut lotsa random stuff scattered between stores
and american eagle doesnt have my slim straight jeans anymore -__- so yeah i needa go look for others heheh.
got another morning to wake up for tomrrow heh xD

man... 2 weeks :[
im really gonna miss her...
at least today was pretty cool heh
disney movies xD gingerbread house and heart shaped pizzas heehh
was pretty funny :] today was fun heheh
asdfajf i keep thinking about how i wont see her for 2 weeks ><
it makes me miss her like asdasldfj sooo much and she hasnt even left yet! :[
gah

before my internet dies...

well yeah before it dies again, i decidd to make a post
todaaayy was freaking craazy ahhaah i FREAKING FORGOT MY UMBRELLLA INTHE CAR
and then i stood outside at the cow stop for like 15-20 minutes in the rain! but i still didnt get as wet as on monday O_o
heheh mall was pretty fun :] got to spend some time with her on a wednesday! that doesnt happen to often !
maaan still got hw left though ><
even though it was freezing on the way home, it still felt good walking home. it was like an adventure! then once i got home i felt accomplisheed LOL

well everyones home so now my internet is all messed up and patchy xD
i needa buy presents loooll and i finally have moeny to do so heheh finally right? seriously
anyways i think big rain tomrrow so big umbrella! ella ela ay ay ay omg im solame lame lame.
HHAAHAH
omg anyways. i kinda wish it snowed here heh .
i needa do all my apush before thursday! asdlfadsfj gna be hard but i think i can do it!
push push!
i feel so random right now LOL
i think img etting me singing back as well :]

am i no good to you now?
am i no good to you now?

whoaa oh whoaaa ohh ohh
we're spillin over
whooaa oh whooaa oh ohh
we're falling apart

Matt Nathanson - Falling Apart

damn. my brothers home for just two weeks. cant he just take in the trashcans n stuff?
ive got this freaking cough. agh.
the cold makes everything feel... idk

So like i can hear my brother totally pigging out right now at 11:30 wtf right?
LOL its like that everyday for him cause he sleeps when i have to wake up for school. 4 -__-
last night he came to my room at 4:30 cause my light was still on and woke me up.
seroiusly i dont get what hes doing till 4 LOL

my self esteem has i feel, just plummeted recently.
confidence? idk

i really really hate how theres like NO effing bloodyass service in my freaking house.
freaking annoys the crap outta me and always messes things up. asdlfsadj

i feel like sucha fcking complete jackass idiot
im a horrible horrible person. i know.
asldfadjfalkdfalks

asdlfdf
i still hate myself..
even more now.

seroiusly wtf is going on with me.

...and so now
what is it i have to live for?
There's nothing. My life is emptied.
im a worthless piece of crap.
I deserve to be thrown out on the streets.
I deserve not to live.
I dont do any good for anyone or for myself.
I'm a horrible person.


One thing: I'm still here, after all the stuff that I've had to go through just to be with you.... I'm still here...

Please.

Kill me.

How'd it go from afternoon, to this.

Punch me I'd bleed...

aujord'hui est jour de APUSH
je n'ai pas commence screw thsi it takes too long
i didnt start yet -__-
LOL
anyways today ap psych lasted SOOOO EFFING LONG cause we had a sub and no lesson plan.
the sub even showed me the lesson plan and it had NO directoins on it -__- and i didnt bring any hw!!! well i did tomrrows math heh
sooo we got our white van back LOL its nice to see it back on the driveway xD
yay tomrrows friday! and i have no sat testing cuase i did it on thursday!!! im so smart hehe :]

City & Colour - Like Knives

"and I will blame myself
If holding on to what I hope will keep you by my side
Could I have you?
Can I have you?

i am a useless boyfriend...

and even just as a person.
like nothing would change if i wasnt here...

*edit

i dont know whats going on anymore...

do i really want to start....

ehhe today HOLY CRAP OMG 100 QUESTIO US TEST WTF RIGHT?
yea LOL i think i totalyl bombed that.
well after schooool i went to tc with clara and yearbook peoples
SO RANDOM LOl OMG
ARE THEY EATING FOOD? GO GO
LOLL
and then after i spent a little time with her :]
omg that phone call i felt sooo bad ><
she had to pee like OMG IM GNA JUST LET IT OUT pee.
ive felt it before ITS ONE OF THE MOST HORRIBLE FEELINGS
NOT EVEN ENDORPHINS CAN COUNTER IT OMG.
im glad shes okay and didnt give up or pass out though :D
heheh shes strong !

everything just fucking piles up on me.
and now im getting torn apart by the closest people to me.
so maybe i should keep distances.
but is that even in me?
probably not.

asldjfasdf
im just gonna shut my mouth


------------------------

and on another note:
as im awtching these military videos i notice:
where does all this terrorist shit come from?
not to be racist or anything, but from the middle eastern part fo the world
dumping their problems onto other countries.

well today started out really freaking great.

soooooooooooooooooooo
morning went by pretty sloowly i just sat there heheh

but then disneyland!!!
omgosh itw as funnn :]
so so we rode buzz lightyear first and now i REALLY dont get how people get over 50,000 score -__- its like impossible
heheh then space mountain, indiana jones, and autopia. a few rides but it was still really fun :D
HAHA babe needed to pee LOL
anyways
that was like the best fireworks show ive been in ever. lotsa fireworks and explosions! WAY better than july 4th. and then the snooowowww it was really cool and a really good idea from the people of disneyland :]
it got like all over my hair and hers LOL it was really awesome :]

today was really fun and i think it was pretty magical :D
definitely happy :]

i love you baby!

more of these days to come !

lalala

truly,
im so confused...

not knowing.

By this time I've erased four posts in trying to create one final one for today.
Here goes:
In AP Psych today, I learned taht through a test I am in between.
One side, (internal) thinks that all stress and factors and thigns that happen are on yourself.
Other (external), thinks taht all those things are due to uncontrollable forces, outside of our reach (fate, destiny) These people are generally more careless because they dont think there is much they can do to change things. I appear to be one of them, which is why I dont really feel scared for tests and homework and things that happen. Tahts the bad side of me. I expect. I have my standards set too low.
But when I look at everything thats happened in my life, I can't really say much was due to things that were completely out of my control, people really do hold over their own happenings, events, fortunes or misfortunes.
No more running away, no easy way outs. I will never stoop down to his level.

To be honest, I'm not a hard person to figure out, and for me that's bad.

ive noticed how fast, how frequently, and how mch my mood can fluctuate within a day, a week.
and i look to see why, and i guess it is me in a way, but then again not completely...
ugh right?

todays post:

(refer back to the "Imissher" note/letter/post)

except i feel 100x that.
and like more layers are being added to the wall,
and length is added to the distance
just in those few minutes it can make me miss her so much more.

shes got me so into her, that one small thing knocks me into pieces and my self esteem is at a low again.

:/
i dont know why i get this way
so easily...
i hate it.

since i cant write notes right now...
ehh today well i wanted to come up with something so here goes :
When I miss my baby...
I think about being with her, holding her, holding her hand (is your hand heavy?)
what itd be like if she was here with me now (lively, fun and love-filled)
I have this feeling kinda physical and mentally spiritually? idk how to put it in those terms, but like a longing for her to be back in my arms again,
I think about her,
the warmth I feel whenever I'm with her, the comfort, care and love
her one of a kind smiles, hearing her laugh,
how cute, stunning beauty, pretty she is. (unmatchable)
her humor and how she makes me smile like nonstop
I wonder if shes thinking about me and missing me too
how my mood always drops whenever shes not around
I think about how much I love her (always and infinitely)...

hehe so i KNOW i surprised babe today in a good way!
even though she like totally wont admit it!! hmph
anyways so we ended up watching transporter 3
and it was so lame -__- JEEZ
LOL pretty darn cheesy too

yeaahh thanksgiving weekend! relief! kinda. hw -__-

lalala so liike nearlay lost my voice today cause i coughed so much ><

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth? yes
Where were you last night? at homeee duh!
What is today's date? November 25th
Who was the last person to call you baby/babe? my cutie babeee <3
When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout? SO MUCH EASIER.
Anyone crushing on you? dont think so
What is your relationship status? taken. AND LOVIN IT 987!
Has anyone ever sang to you? yesss
Has anyone ever given you roses? nope LOL
If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? i am the king of the wilderness. they call me. the jeffreyMONSTER
Who do you text the most?: Clara
How do you make your money? sigh parents
First person to text today? none0
What is your favorite color(s)? white blue some green red
What color are your eyes? dark brown
What is a compliment you receive often? I THINK YOU GOT SKINNIER! (i wish)
How tall are you : 5'4''
Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? babbby todaaay
Do you like your parents? eh theyre okay sometimes
Do you secretly like someone?: No
Why did your last relationship end? n/a
Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? Clara V. Tran
Where is the furthest place you've traveled? China!
Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? eat ( explains much about me)
Do you look more like your mom or your dad? my dad i thinki
How long does it take you to shower? 15-20 minutes
Can you do splits? used to on one side xD
Are you flexible? more than average people
What did you do on New Years Eve?I WAS IN CHINA. NOTWHERE I WANTED TO BE :[
Was your mom there? unfortunately
Can you speak any other language than English? oui!
What is the last letter of your middle name? n
How many hours of sleep did you get last night? dont remember xD
Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?: only in front seat
Are you scared of flying? flying is awesome
What do you sleep in? bball shorts and tshirt
Who was the last person you kissed? clara baby
Do you like funny people or serious people? both!
What are you listening to? the hum of my computer
What jewelry do you wear all the time? none
What do you have planned for tonight? nothing LOL
Is the last person you kissed older than you? NOPE and im not a pedophile
Do you prefer myspace or socialsplash? myspaaacceeeeeee
Do you have a favorite item of clothing? tshirts HAHAA I CANT GET ENOUGH OF EM and shorts.
Do you like messages or comments better? Messages
Last movie you saw in theaters? Madagascar 2
Last thing you ate? soup with watercress
What was last thing you drank? soup with watercress
Are you happy right now? yesiamhappyisgoodhappyisalwaysgoodandwelcome
If you could have one thing right now what would it be? more time with her
Who makes you happiest right now? my oneee and onlaayy :]
What were you doing at midnight last night? shleeping my ash off
Are you left handed? nope
What was for dinner tonight? rice and dishes
What is the last thing you thought about? my nose is clogged
When is your birthday? 6-2-92
Do you want to get married & have children one day? definitely watermelon!

yeah...
in response to the post i made earlier:
yeah.. then i remembered that i realized i should jsut keep my mouth shut.

im starting to think that guys shouldnt express too many or too much emotion
and shouldnt really focus on how we feel
it just doesnt work out with us (guys)
but then again we dont wanna be emotionless.

this would be my first time admitting this... :
one of my biggest fears, is that she finds someone else to confide in and open up to.
because that person is easier to open up to n stuff and they can make her feel better. for someone to succeed where im failing.

hasdfajdf i fucking hate today.

ugh who am i kidding?
maybe i want too many things.
or maybe the things i want to do, arent within my reach.
and so i lied to myself.

certain moments, things, can jsut set the distance between us...
:/
i feel close, yet distant.

its just so hard... to know whats going on in other peoples minds...
to know how they're feeling.. what they're thinking about...

its weird.. well maybe not exactlty weird but yeah,
how you just saw someone today, but you start missing them a heck of a lot when they're not around even though you know you're gna see them the next day.
I really didnt know one person could influence me so much. >< (not a bad thing babe)
I just like being around you, with you, its just so comforting and peaceful, yet lively and fun.
its simply just amazing.
I guess thats how i could miss someone so much in such short time nd stuff, i miss the feeling of being with her, next to her, holding her, all those things.

You cant really know what happens past high school. Cause after that, lots of things can change. sometimes i wish i could know, yet it might be a bad thing to; or im scared to know what lies in my future. Will I get into a good college? will i get a good job? will i become successful? Do i become what i want to become? I really, truly love her, I really want us to still be together and continue.
Will the economny get better? Will things happen the way i want them?

Who knows?

Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
my baby :] <3><><><

How long does it take for you to fall aslee​p at night​?​​​
varies

What'​​​s in your pocke​t?​​​
i actually HAVE PANTS ON my keys xD

Where​ did you buy the shirt​(​​​s)​​​ you'​​​re weari​ng now?
hot topic

Have you ever thoug​ht about​ getti​ng your lip pierc​ed?​​​
nope

Have you ever cried​ and not known​ what it was for?
nooo

What are you weari​ng on your feet?​​​
nothing! naked ! xD xD

What were you doing​ at 8:​​​00pm last night​?​​​
sleeping or on coputer

Last perso​n who drove​ you somew​here?​​​
dad

What were you doing​ this morni​ng at 7am?
sleeping

What do you need to be doing​ right​ now?
bio

Where​ were you Frida​y night​?​​​​
cristinas house/ cpk

Somet​imes,​​​​ do you wish you were someo​ne else?​​​​
sometimes xD

When were you last outsi​de?​​​​
an hour ago xD

Are you avail​able?​​​
taken!

Are you easil​y confu​sed?​​​​
YEP

Are you happy​ with the way life is going​?​​​​
i guess heheh

if theres any words ive stopped using seriously, its "i hope.. lbah blah blah"
why? cause if i said it seroiusly for something i wanted to happen, it never works out.
its like a contrast. idk why, hope never really works out for me, and a lot of times
only makes things worse because when i say it, it gives me and any others false idk the word.. false assumptions? that things are gna get better or things will always go that way, so in the end we expect things to happen and so when they dont we're all asldfalsdfkasdf. unfortunately for me, ive used the word lots throughout the past years and each time produced nothing but broken expectations and lots of frustration. i thought saying "i hope" generally makes people happier and makes people believe in things, but for me, its the opposite now (if i say it anyways) i dont know why it happens to me, but yeah.

note to other people, you guys can still say it around me, im just not saying it for anythin serious haha

so uh
this goes out to my baby clara! love you baby :] (im actually saying its you this time heeh )
stoday was funn heheh even though the weather was crap LOL
madagascar was pretty fuun random in some parts, but funny :]
LOL so we had THAI FOOD for dinner ! how often does that happen! heheh :]
alsdfasldfj thanks baby for paying >< I TOTALLY FREAKING OWE YOU I TOTALLY GET NEXT
SO NOT FAIR :[

heheh i had fun today :] the bracelet looks beautiful on her :D!
i love you with alllllll my heart :D from my heart to yours *wink HAHA

qsdjasdjflkadf things just arent looking too great anymore...
just in freaking time. ugh.

im like on the verge of giving up.

everythings so fucking messed up right now.
and i feel fucking hopeless.

aslkfad why do things always end up like this..
once one thing goes on, things just pile up.

why does/did today feel so...
yeah.....

im like so freaking tired physically
and of things.

i just want .... yeah.

so today was our day off SWEET RIGHT? yeah :]

i hung out with my baby at her house for 3 hours! wish it was longer ><
heheh it was funny :D ticklishi?! suureee? heheehe
well yeah we layed there
and yeah HAHAHA
fun fun fun :] i love her :] <3 alll my heart!
hehe
it feelsso chill today i like it :D
should be like this everyday! feels sooo goodd hehehe
anyways man theres school tomrrow!
days like these omg, wish theyd last!

i hate how i cant do anyting cause i have all this crap going on.
i hate how i cant drive resulting in how i cant do much.
i feel so fuckin limited.
things are becoming routine.

alkdsfalsjlajdslfaslfjskdj

what is a "friend"
it seems harder and harder to define
or to find a real one thsee days.
i mnea it seems like friendhsip in general is losing its meaning
i mean some people say oh its really easy to make friends and stuff
but how many of those"friends" are real?
man.... people...

is it jsut me cause im seriously getting tired of seeing the BAEST crap.
seems like a label for them just so its an excuse to act all cocky n shit.
i mean half the groups in this freaking school think they're the shit or they rule the school.
and thers like 75% of the people who think of themselves as cool.
seroiusly at our school, its not hard to tell what kinda people are by judging them by their "cover"
people really getting on my nerves.

what the heck do i want.
what do i want in life?

i really dont know...its scattered all over the place.

....ugh
im mad at myself for falling asleep....
i feel so horrible..

oiiii

im sooo tired ><

iwanna sleep in . er MY kinda sleeping in xD

so um whats been on my mind these past few days?

nothing realy LOL uhhh ...

i want the enext break to come !
waiting for april to get my license hehe
i feel like running around like a kid LOL
just to get that energizing freee feeling :]
WEEEEEEE

yaayy 100 pposts wow xD

im pissed though
freaking volleyball.
i know i coulda made it too
asdlfasldfsdj!

on a happy note:
OBAMA WINS :]
makin history 2008

yesterday was halloween.

I PUT JR ON THE FLOOR WHEN HE TRIED TO JUMP ME
WOOO
heheh
anyways

cristinas house was pretty funny LOL
the covenant was NOT my movie HAHAHA (girls)
one missed call was like nooot scary at all heheh
cause cause acuse im sucha man :]
the food was pretty good eystrday too heheh
this was like one of the first halloweens i can remember not eating A SINGLE peice of candy !
im so proud of me heh
PROVES I AM TOTALLY NOT A FATASS
i think this was a nice change and a pretty good halloween :]

am i really that horrible of a person...

im scared...

and im also scared to take action....

i seroiusly need to find some direction in my life.....

ugh

im starting to hate who i am now....
how can i say whats really on my mind?

ugh.
wtf do i wanna do with my life?
idk what i wanna major in, i dont know at all what im leaning towards either.
i get all sad when i think about it caues like most people know what they wana do by now
i mean college is coming soon, and if not they at least lean towards a side you know?
what am i meant to do?

soooo

homecoming: i had fun, yet the dance like in general wasnt too great heheh
LOL IM LAME AT DANCING HAHAHAA
omgomgomgomg she looked sooo pretty and and and beautiful today :] first tiem ive seen her like that too! :D sooo pretty heheh
so it was cool cause i like carried her almost all the way back to cristinas heheh :]
macaroni grill was pretty funny too LOL everythigns starting to taste the same!
i love her <3 :] *wanted to make special note of that!

soo that was like my first dance EVER LOL
heheh i feel so deprived xD

we're jumping to know the truth
and we're lying to say to you
now we've got it

We're so far from the words tonight
that could then break the walls we hide
now we've got it

so yeah....

aasdflj :/


i dont know what to do.....

vindicated....?

um.. yeah..... okay.............


ahh...


man.....



tired. tired. tired. tired.tired.

"And honestly, I cant see me, without you by my side
And I realize what I got, more than ever now
no matter how far away, i will stay true to you

Cause I don't wanna kiss nobody, if i can't be kissing you
I don't wanna hold nobody, if I can't be holding you"

yeah......

i feel so...

why?

why is it that when you're straight with people....
it causes so much trouble...



miscommunication.

seroiusly...
what a day.

and thats all im gna say.

so like i guess ive made some improvements?
in the sense where i dont let things bother my schooolwork and studies.
but yeah...

or maybe im just thinking too much.
like always right?
who knows...


its hard to keep yourself occupied to avoid something, when that something IS whats occupying you.

i needa take a huge shit.

how can i tell her everything when iwas trying to surprise her?
without telling her what ive been planning for this year?
i just got pretty much owned yesterday...
sadfjdsafk ugh..

now wtf am i supposed to do....

why does this keep happening... -__-

i mean seriously..

what do i keep doing wrong?
what is it about me?

im sooo tireed....

maaan, i hate school ><

only just started toooo *sigghh :/

i just wanna sleeeeeeepp

i dont ask for much..
and theres things that i miss..

but i guess i just dont deserve taht anymore?

"as in life, chill for best results"

*edit
well.. i just prayed to help release me of all my tensions, to help me effectively get rid of my anger, to calm down.
i cant believe i just prayed?
----------------------------
anger is my worst enemy.

i need a way to just get rid of it.

or ill never get anywhere. or ill always be stuck here just feeling angry you know?

asdfjkl okay.
needa get myself together. i cant keep losing myself.
i dont want to be the guy whose anger drives everyone away.
i dont want to.i really dont..

x claraaaa: yu wna get yur balls chooppd offff THATS WHAT.

heheh... i feel the love
LOL

i love her :] just makes me smile !

heres a questoin:
what does it mean to have someone special to you? (love)
to love someone?
to be in love?

as this week progresses, there isnt much interesting happening cause its basically just schoooooll. ><
but the things i look forward to most every week... talking to my baby, hanging out n stuffs.
and recently again the goodnight talks :D i know you missed those babe! and i bet you wish i could kiss you goodnight too! xD
i sure wish i could LOL :]
heheh yeah :D
thats pretty much my week so far!

brian mcknight - back at one...

i havent updated in a bit xD

so i have this new interest in drawing funny looking sea creatures LOL in random situations. x]
and completely irrelevant but, i swear shes always so damn cute :D i love her <3

lalala :]

its weird LOL ive barely read the scarlet letter, yet im answering stuff in class LOL idk why. maybe cause its fun to be debating stuff in class heh. but then some people are like debating like MAD and its kinda annoying HAHA.

idk just a random post !

raahahahawr

i realized something...

i look for most of my answers in music and lyrics
is that really a good place to be looking? idk sometimes i find it, and then it gets contradicted by
another persons view.

idk....

sooo like
today i finally moved back home and it was soo disgusting >< all these dead bugs everywhere :[

ANWYAYS
me nd her hung out today :D first date :] heheh i really loved it !! thanks sooo much babe <3
i totally get the next one :] and y eah we like walked around the maaalll
and then at gonzalves park LOl some kids and their mothers caught us! like :O
it wasnt me
HAHAHAAH
then we hadda go n stuff BUT we had this fiasco where she realized i had her stuff in my pockets then i realized i had her stuff in my pockets AND BOOM we run towards each other HAHAHA AT LIKE THE SAME TIME. that just doesnt happen very often LOl
after that yeaaahh afternoon was boring :/ nooothing to do >< and then at night i went to badn practice and didnt get much done LOL.

i missed her! and sitll do :]

i love you babe :D
lots of fun today !

so todaay in the morning/noonish was pretty awesome.
theeen it was all work and exhaustion ><
i really dont want school to start. :[
FREAKING SUMMER ASSIGNMENTS ARRGHHHH WAHWOOO

lol.

BABE, HAHAHA HERES YOUR UPDATE ALL ON A PLATTER
SERVED WITH LOTS OF LOVE :]

i love her xD shes my kinda crazy ;]

... a girl like you is impossible to find.

Tell me, tell me what makes you think that you are invincible.
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure.
Please dont tell me that Im the only one thats vulnerable.
Impossible.

she makes me weak, shes the one who can make me feel vulnerable!
she's the one i love! heheh im so cheezy

AANYWAYS...

so i found out she came back YESTDERDAY omg -_- keeping me on the edge eh?!
but dude when i saw her, it was like WHOOShhh, i was amazed! theres light in this neighborhood again! LOOL IM SO LAME! but it was reallly nice seeing her again ! :D hope she was jsut as happy to see me ! omg its like the first hug and kiss in a month ! wooww huh! heheh :]
so so so we're going to the beach on friday! (awesome :]) heheh
i just want to let her know thaaattt i still totallly feel it with her :] when i hug her and everything !

im getting tired of this...
i feel like im being taken for granted.

so like. looking back at all my posts,
i kinda seem like one of those sissy weak emotional people. ew right?
definitely haha.

warped tour wasnt that great in terms of music. only one or two good performances. its not my type of music anymore, but eh i still had fun heh. i expected a better crowd for rise against ><
not alot of energy in the crowds this year though :/

i think im a bit "whipped". like really.
nobodys gotta tell me that, i can see it for myself. i was just afraid to admit it.


;;;;

Been losing sleep the past few days
trying everything but I stay awake
thoughts, they keep runnin' through my mind
thoughts about you, so please give me a sign

tell me that you love me
tell me that you miss me
tell me what you want me to be
what i need to hear.

ugh.

so confused...........

what do i have
who do i have?

i dont know right now.

fFriday august 8

today was fuckin nuts. not in the good way.
serioulsy wake up to testing adn i couldnt concentrate
all i could th ink about was her and how she was gna be gone for a few days.
and now i cant even talk to her till tuesday and shes probably frustrated.
chilled at jrs that lasted forever. sat there, played games the whole time
powerstation was boring. just wasnt feeling much fun there.
watched pineapple express, to me it was a disappointment, we got scared cause jrs older friend
said they were checking id's for 21 year or older to accompany minors and so jr and patrick started askign people to help us in but we ended up just walking in with a huge group we didnt know. me n ryan were just sitting htere like dude i dont htink its worth all the trouble asking for a 21 yaer old to get in. but yeah we got in and the movie wasnt that great. i mean another movie that m akes my "friends" wanna go smoke some more weed. real great. i mean seroiusly i dont see ANYTHIGN in that smoking shit. im probably gna be one of the few clean ones. i forced lots of laughs today. ugh. im really starting to get just idk...bleh with everything right now. I dont have anyone to talk to cause my "closest" friends just sit there play games and wanna do shit that they think makes them look cool like smoke pot and drink. well yeah count me out. got back at 2 and it wasnt even fuckin worht it.
here i am sitting here just wishing i had someone to talk to besides having to "laugh" at every dirty or weird joke that comes out and make weird jokes just to fit in. i used to think making all those jokes, that was who i was being all open and free in that way, but now i feel like im not even close to that person cause its just hard for me to really crack up at those kinds of jokes now and that kind of humor, im not really into gaming and all that stuff, im not into all that drinking and smoking shit that makes you feel "good" i sometimes believe if i was really having a good time i wouldnt need that shit. or bassically im saying you dont need that crap to have a good time and thats why i dont. theres nothing even the slightest bit appealing to me about stuff like that. and its like "oh you wont know how it feels till you try it" well yeah i dont plan on trying that stuff. i got a lot more to do than get fuckin high, even if im just sitting around at home doing nothing, i dont care, tahts even probably more productive than smoking shit. and asdfkl i feel so damn alone right now. just ranting on about shit. i really needed to get this stuff out. likes eriously most of the time i go to jrs so i dont hvae to feel so alone, but it turns out over there is one big rreason why i feel this way so what the fuck am i supposed to do.


the only person i could talk to is distances away.
i really miss you like crazy right now....

happy 11 months! wish you were here to celebrate or something :/

i love you babe :]

987 - 1 more month!

i feel so down...
empty...
and it feels like its gna be forever before i get to see her again...

lakdsdflj :/

"but already im wasting away "

everything just slowed down major...

time goes by so slowly.. and idk i keep getting like majorly sad...

asdfjsalfjk

i miss her so much...
im used to putting my arms around someone and now no ones there :[
i miss her hugs, her kisses, face to face talks, just laying there, everything :/
i wish i could be there with her >< especially even more now.
only a few more weeks right.... :/

it hurts to see how badly she wants to leave this place.
and how we tend to focus so much more on the time we DONT have together

yheah...

soooooo today started off REALLY slow and i dindt pass permit test :[ :[
and then i went to tsi to take hafl the model test ><
BUUUT AFTER THAT wheee e :]
i went to gonsalves park safety wall and left a message there for baby to read :D :D
and then and then i went to her house all sweaty n stuffs and we had trouble ordering pizza HAHA
then jessica came and we filled up tons of water ballooons ! omg the water fight was soo fuuuun, we ended up doing it at Clara's house eithere way it was AWESOME :D we went CUHRAZY HAHAHA
dude ryan was SOOO gay today ><
and then we went to kuantings house to swim and playeed "truth" LOL that was fun :]
makingout and burping HAHAHA
omg i played babe "the greatest story ever told" that ive been practicing for like 2 weeks now, iw as so nervous iw as like SHAKING HAHA, it was really cool though :] everyone was there to see me sing it to her HAHA :] and then collide i walked up to her :D i hope she really liked it !!
theeen we just sat around and she gave me two cuuutee notes <3
she left at like 9ish we walkd around for a bit and just held hands and kissed :] <3
BASICALLY,

GOSH, I LOVE HER SOOOO MUCH and even through all the stuff that happened between us we still are the "greatest story ever told" and keeping going :D

i love you baby with all my heart, always <3 love 987

i wish we could just like lay there on her bed :] its like the most amazing feeling and moment, one you only feel when two people are completely comfortable and in love with each other <3

sooo today was really fun and amazing :]
it felt totally right and comfortable, like it was meant to be.
and just laying there with her and seeing what it felt like, it feels so right to be laying there next to her, holding her as we lay down :D

how far will we go this week? i dont know, (anything BUT "that")
all i know is that our love only grows
and stronger as we go :D

LOVE and beyond, 987 :] <3
my heart to yours baby :D

today was pretty much awesome and amazing spending it with her! :D
it was scary how her mom was liike 10 min on her way home LOL whew! :]
but seriously today was amazing baby, i love you so so sosooooo much !
its good to know you're always here for me, and that you love me, it really is.
987 always <3
this is love, or more than that, but its definitely something only we can express and feel baby :]

tonight was horrible, it was so awkward there..
idk i just feel completely different from them. it was really boring there too...
i just sat there watching them play games and watch avatar, and i got tired of that so i just played around with my guitar, luckily i brought it.

but then once i got home i called baby and it was really soothing and good to hear her voice <3

alot of the times, things happen cause we get angry at the wrong things.
why are we getting angry at each other for decisions we didnt make?
getting fed up with things that aren't our fault
for things our parents make us do?
why ?

i think thats why crap happens so much partly.

i hate how i just realize this now...
im a bastard.

Start with your name:
Jeffrey Tarn

How did you wake up this morning?
dunno

Do you believe everything you hear?
Nope

Do you live near your best friend?
um

What are you wearing right now?
tshirt, shorts

Is there anyone you would die for?
yeah

Where were you at 11:45 AM today?
its 7:17 AM

How long have you been breathing?
16 years

Are you taller than 5'5"?
nope

If you're being extremely quiet what’s it mean?
im thinking, zoned out, sad

What time did you go to bed last night?
11:50

What are you doing tomorrow?
nothing.

Does anyone like you?
yep

What were you doing an hour ago?
sleeping

Are you married?
Nope

What's one thing you want right now?
more time with her

Do you love anyone?
yep

What is your natural hair color?
dark brown

What color are your eyes?
Dark brown

Do you like your first name?
not really

What are your initals?
JT

How do you feel about chocolate covered strawberries?
good?

Do you like the color gray?
Yeah

Last time you ate grilled cheese?
years ago

When you think of a rainbow, what pops in your head?
gay?

How are you feeling?
emptyish

Do you trust all of your friends?
Nope

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
sure

What did you do last night?
nothing...

Do you wear contacts or glasses?
glasses

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
louder

Are you a beach person or a snowy mountain person?
beach

Who was the last person to text you?
Clara

What annoys you most?
hypocrisy, fake people

When do you prefer to take a shower, morning or night?
whenever

What's the next vacation you're going on?
idontkonw

Do you like scary movies?
sometimes

Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about?
depends whos with me

What's the last thing you purchased?
arizona green tea

Do people ever spell your name wrong?
all the time

Is there anyone you regret ever meeting?
Nope

What are your plans for the weekend?
none

Where are you at noon everyday?
somewhere

What is your favorite movie?
idk

What do you think of winter?
lame, cause its socal

When was the last time you swam?
weeks ago

Do you keep your closets organized?
barely

Do you want to have a boyfriend this summer?
im not gay

Who did you last fall asleep with?
idk, myself?

Are you a morning person or a night person?
depends

Who's bed did you last sleep in?
the floor

Do you believe that there is always room in your heart for your first love?
huh?

Have you cried today at all?
Nope

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
not even 8 yet

Do you say sexy a lot?
Nope

What is something you currently want?
lots more time with her

What are you looking forward to?
spending time with her?

What was the weather like today?
weird

What do you want for christmas?
her

When do you go to sleep?
when i really have nothing else to do

Are you going to have a good night?
probably not

Do you have strange dreams?
Nope

What are you listening to?
nothing

Are you happy?
eh

Do you currently miss someone?
i do...

Did you date someone in the spring?
yeah

Three feelings at the moment?
empty, saddish, stomach hurts

Name someone with the same b-day as you?
none i know

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
yeah

Where will you be 2 hours from now?
same place

Last person who said i love you to you?
clara

In a relationship?
yeah

Has your ex moved on?
what ex?

Are you easily confused?
sometimes

Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
not sure

Do you fall for people easily?
nope

Everything happens for a reason?
not always

What does your last text message read?
Babe can you text me ryans number

When is the last time you saw number 1 on your top friends?
a few days ago

How has the week been?
bleh..

Do you sleep with the TV on?
nop

Are you too forgiving?
idk

Who do you miss?
baby

Do you have anything in your pockets right now?
keys

How many windows are open on your computer?
one

In the past week have you gotten sick?
Nope

In the past week have you gotten your hair cut?
nope

How many profile views do you have?
not on myspace

Who's your last call from?
babe

How much clothes do you have in your closet?
not sure

On a scale of 1-10 How good is life?
right now.. 5-6

Are you high-maintenance?
idk

Are you happy with the way life is going?
i dont know

feelin empty today...

my effing fone. ugh.


sajdflajsdfij

im sad... :/

soooo TODAY.
i woke up at like 8:30 -___- and then went to tsi to take the freaking LONG 3 HOURISH TEST.
IT WAS FREAKISHLY LONG. and i keeppttt thinking about her :] cause cause cause i MISSED HER SO MUCH! ><
after that jrs parents took us out to eat at sizzler! it was pretty good :] then me and jr jujst like hung out xD that was aalrright

but i still missed her >< i just wanna give her a big big humongous hug and super paassionate kiss !

and then hold her for the rest of the dya too :]

today is july 4th!

sooo it started out early in the morning for me cuase i woke up at 8 ><
it was really llooong and boring and i really missed her :/ when she was out
but then once we got to see each other....
:D :D :D
heheh i was sooo happy to see her ! it felt like she was trapped at that persons house ><
and then we hung out wiht jessica-mark, krishna, and amy heheh iit was pretty cool :D
but it all came down when the fireworks came :]
me nd her found the perfect spot and had another freaaaking amazing moment :] just watching the fireworks ina secluded spot all to US <3 holding her and just looking up at the sky :D

how do i know i love her?
cause she makes me smile. cause she makes me happy.
i melt everytime im with her :D we share moments that are just magical and awesome and amazing and love-filled to the max <3 style="font-style: italic;">love. its beyond that :] <3 987.

she really lit the day up for me today :D
brighter than the fireworks <3

x claraaaa: yur lik a spokes person
x claraaaa: LMAO
teh tArN aGe: LOL
teh tArN aGe: HOW
teh tArN aGe: LOL
x claraaaa: COS
x claraaaa: YUR LIK
x claraaaa: idk
x claraaaa: HAHA :]
x claraaaa: i love yu :D
x claraaaa: hehehe
teh tArN aGe: HAHAH WTH
teh tArN aGe: i love you too :]
teh tArN aGe: LOL


HAHAHA
omg i love her :] she makes me smile and laugh more than anyone else and unlike anyone else:]
<3
so much more than anything always :D

she really cares for me..
i can feel it everytime she hugs me,
kisses me,
tells me to sleep earlier,
helps me diet,
tells me shes going to help me do better,
everytime im with her...

<3

ive never connected with anyone on this level before.
ive never felt this way about anyone before
its freaking amazing, and its just like a rush of a whole bunch of feelings bursting in my heart which all mean one thing: love. :] <3

Have you ever sat down to think about why you like the person you like?
yeah and those reasons are very clear to me.
p.s. why i love her, not like :]

When people say "I don't ever talk crap about anyone" do you believe it?
not anymore!

Is there someone you'd like to hang out with and just talk about stuff?
yes :D

Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
probably

Do you think you're approachable?
sometimes xD

Do you regret doing anything this week
the whole thign with my mom on thurs. but its okay :]


Name something you wouldn’t want to buy used?
food?

When did you last cry?
thursday

How late did you stay up last night?
like 2ish

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
yep :]

Who did you last talk to for longer than 10 minutes on the phone?
clara! :DD

Suppose you see your boyfriend kissing another person, what would you do?
uhh ima guy so ill answer this the other way. seriously id be like wtf? and really hurt. like really really bad..

Would you ever become a vegetarian?
if i really had to

Do you like your school?
not really

Last person you went to the movies with?
cristina jessica melinda

What color is your swim suit?
white & red

How often do you talk on the phone?
a bit xD

If you need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?
the jeans store!

Did you ever lose a best friend?
kinda?

Have you ever met a real life prostitute?
noopee

Can you do push-ups?
yep !

Is it awkward when you run into your ex?
i wouldnt konw

What is wrong with you right now?
tired & im wanting to be with my love ><

What do you want in your life right now?
to be with her? :D

Are you happy right now?
yeah :]

What are you listening to?
nothing

who is your 3rd, 6th, 9th incoming calls from?
brother, clara :D, anonymous (clara) :]]

What is your favorite thing to have on your bed?
ummm idk!

Last time you went in a tanning bed?
never !

What do you wear to bed?
tshirt shorts

Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
idk..

Do you have a friend that you hate every other day?
nope?

Do you like anyone?
nope, love :] like lots and lots!

If the mob was after you, what would you do?
uhhh jump into a lake and swim?

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked?
it was weird?

What are you listening to?
nnice and slow!

Name a quote from the song you are listening to?
Let me take you to a place nice and quiet
There ain't no one there to interrupt
Ain't gotta rush
I just wanna take it nice and slow
See I've been waiting for this for so long
We'll be makin' love until the sun comes up
Baby, I just wanna take it nice and slow

What are you doing right now?
missing her :[

What does your last text say?
its okay :) just keep it for now:)


Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
nope :]

Do you drink milk?
ehhhh


Do you prefer apple or orange juice?
orange juice!

Do your computer speakers plug into the back of your computer or your monitor?
computer xD

How many clocks are in your house?
like 4 ?

How about the room you're in right now?
??

How often do you check your myspace?
whenever i have nothing else t o do?

Do you live by yourself?
i want to?

What's the most you've ever won on a scratcher?
0?

What's the nearest food to you right now?
nothing!

Do you know what a plecostamous is?
nooopee

Have you ever watched a sunrise rise over the ocean?
nope ><

How many messages are in your inbox/outbox on your phone?
162

Do you prefer wooden or mechanical pencils?
mechanical

What's on your feet right now?
nothing

Do you have one best friend, or a lotta good friends?
umm..i have a girlfriend, and she really can take the place of a lot :]
she's my bestfriend but also, shes that special someone to me :D

Snapple or SoBe?
idk

Where do you buy birthday/christmas cards?
umm wheerevers near?

What's your take on "puppy love"?
?

Do you enjoy breaking hearts?
not at all

What date/time was the last text you recieved?
jun 28, 10:23 pm

When's the last time you sent a text?
jun 28 10:23

Do you believe there is only one "right" religion?
noopee not at all

What's your favorite planet, besides this one?
i wouldnt konw?

Does anything special happen for you on March 15th?
not that i know of xD

If you could get back in touch with one person you've lost touch with, who would it be?
i dont know..

What type of internet connection do you use?
verzion

Do you vote for city-related issues?
not yet

Would you want marijuana legalized if it meant alcohol would be illegal?
nope

Have you ever been to the Vatican?
nope

Have you ever waved at someone who was waving at you, only to realize they were waving at someone else?
YEP do it all the time x]


How many remote controls are in your house, and what are they for?
a few xD


Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone?
cell

How many 2005 calenders are in your house?
none?

Do you take baths or showers?
showers.

Do you take quizzes in magazines?
no

Do you buy bananas when they're green so they won't go bad as fast?
i dotn buy bananas

Do you do anything for a bad sunburn?
shower?

Do use mouthwash? If so, what kind?
yep listerine

What noises reach your ears right now?
music!

Have you ever been to Grand Canyon?
yeaaahh

Have you ever been to a national park
yep, wawsnt thaatt great. chinese tours -__-

How old are your parents?
old enough

Does anyone have the keys to your heart?
yeah she does, but she also keeps my whole heart too :]
and she has the keys to it always :D

Have you ever had to run for your life?
not that i can remember

Is there an empty place in your heart?
idk but right now i know my heart is filled with her love and care:]

Have you ever been to a family reunion?
umm kinda

Do you prepare soup in the microwave or on the stove?
stove

Is it sunny out right now?
yeep

Do you have a catnip plant in your house?
no

Do you use surge protectors?
??

Do you pay attention to the stock market?
nope haha

Do you take precautions against contracting West Nile Virus?
i try to xD

Do you meditate?
no

If your lover cheated on you and profusely apologized, would you accept them back into your life?
..no....

Do you eat carbs?
yes i doooo


Are you the kinda person who will search the entire room for the remote because you don't wanna change it on the TV?
sometimes

Has your insurance gone up because of something on your DMV record?
dont have a dmv record yet

Have you ever gone too work/school drunk?
never

Is it all about YOU?
nop[e

Are you allergic to any insect bites?
used to be xD

Are you allergic to any kind of food/medicine?
not sure anymore heh

Have you ever swam in Lake Tahoe?
nope

If you could hug one person right now, who would it be?
clara tran <3 i wouldnt let go!

Are you in debt?
noopeee

When you say "often" do you pronounce the "T" or leave it silent?
yes i do xD

If you could have a plane ticket to anywhere right now, where would you go?
idk but i know id take her with me :]

How many pairs of socks do you own?
a few

What do you think of Arnold Schwarzenegger?
howd he get voted governor ?

Do you own your own car, pink slip and all?
noopeee

Has anyone ever given you jewelery on Christmas?
nah

Do you count down the days till anything?
kinda?

What color is your toothbrush?
i dont notice xD

Name one person that made you smile last night?
clara :]

What is your favorite candy bar?
i dont eat alotta candy barss

What is the last thing you said aloud?
often

What is the best ice cream flavor?
not sure

What was the last thing you had to drink?
some vitamin drink

What are you wearing right NOW?
tshirt shorts!

Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
nooopeee heheh

When was the last time you ran?
uhh yesterday xD

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
kyle

Do you take vitamins daily?
no

Do you go to church every Sunday?
no

Do you have a tan?
yeeepp

Do you like Chinese food over pizza?
hecckk no

Do you drink your soda with a straw?
sometimes

Are you someones best friend?
not sure

What are you doing tomorrow?
nothing realy


Where is your dad?
out

What color is your watch?
none

Do you use chapstick?
nope

What is your birthstone?
im not sure

Do you have a dog?
i want to?

Last girl you talked on the phone with?
clara

Any plans today?
umm not sure

Do you dye your hair?
nope

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
mom

Can you say the alphabet backwards?
yes!

Do you have a maiid service clean your house.
noopee

Are you jealous of anyone?
im not sure

Do you love anyone?
yeah i really do

Do any of your friends have children?
noopee

Do you use the word hello?
yeepp

Do you like cats?
they're okay

Have you ever been to Six Flags?
yeah

How did you get your worst scar?
probably the big scratch against a step

How did you feel when you woke up today?
tired ><

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
my brother LOL

Have you ever driven without a license?
yeeepp

What are you thinking about right now?
her...

Do you wish someone was with you right now?
yeepp ><

Have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past week?
yesss

Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
i think i act like it sometimes

Who were you with last night?
clara cristina jessica melinda

Do you believe in love?
i have so many reasons to

Do you miss anyone?
i doo so much ><

Who was the last person in your bed?
me!

Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
sleeeeping! sleepyhead :] jk jk !

Are you too forgiving?
nope

If someone liked you right now would you want them to tell you?
i wouldnt care. but they should know im deeply in love with this girl claled clara :]

When did you last talk to your brother or sister?
yesturday

Have you ever punched a guy?
yeah

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
umm im not sure.

Where were you at 2:02 am this morning?
talking to clara :] saying goodnight!

How is your heart lately?
missing her :[ but quite complete and filled.

Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
definitely :] the same relationship :]

Do you need to say anything to someone?
need to? yeah i needa tell her i love her and i miss her right now!

Do you cry easily?
sometimes i think not a lot

Where is your phone?
in front of me

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
i did and still am :] thats two 6 months! heheh <3


Who was the last person you talked to?
brother

Does anyone like you?
i know someone loves me? :D

Who was the first person you talked to today?
no one

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?
definitely

What's something you really want right now?
some time with her actually

Do you fall for people easily?
nope

How late did you stay up last night and why?
2! i was talking to my baby :]

Are you currently in a relationship?
yes! :D and lovin it <3

Are you easily confused?
can be

Who was your last call from?
mom

so this morning really was something special <3
every moment we share now only brings us closer and closer.
not by just little amounts, but closer by LARGE amounts :]
i never thought a relationship could feel like this
its like
110% comfortable with her and i gave her all my trust, ever ything.

she now holds everything of me.
and she is being completely amazing :]

i love you so much .. mre than anyone anything. you are my all my everything <3

love is defined :]

i love her so much :D <3
she means everything to me :]

cause this is real, this is true, love.
its going to last, i can feel it. :]

626, 987 always <3

frustrated.

today is sucha bleh(confusing) day....
ugh.


i dont know what to do...
i dont know whats happening....

im so confused...

angry at no one else but my fucking self.
kladsfjasafl.

fuck today.
nothing but bad feelings. except one:i freaking miss her like mad,
but i cant do anything about it.
i feel liek she pretty much hates me right now.

all my other friends drink and smoke pot. my girlfriend is frustrated with me.
so here i am all alone again. in the effing summer. and i cant do anything right, EVER at the fucking right time. so eff me. seriously.

today just bleh.

summer just started...

afjksaljfd... whats wrong with me...

i dont wanna wake up tomrrow >< freaking sundays....


and fuck i think im getting sick.

sooo i havent updtaed in a while xD

today was crazy! walking in this weaather >< heheh i got my exercise though :]

me and she, she and me, went to turn in our books and luckily none of us got fined xD
and hten we went to yogurtland :D that place is awesome! so cheap too! then we walked ALL the way back home and we were like SOOPAH tired!
heheh, fun fun :]

iloveyoubaby <3 987!

summers just beginning :D

ugh.
from now on im jst gna come home earlier each time
to make sure that i get to talk to you and stuff.. :/
i get to the point sometimes where i miss you lots even though i just saw you a few hours ago.
no matter whos around me. and i dont want to always be keeping you waiting.
so yeah. thats what im going to try to do
to improve.

edit*
well its done, i said what i needed to say i guess. he can take it however thee fuck he wants to.
fuckin dickface. w/e.

asfjlsadfj. today was s ucha mix.

she's right.
what the fuck is wrong with me.

i fucking hate myself irght now.

im sucha fucking dumbass.

why the fuck do i keep doing this.

cause im sucha douche.

the world doesnt need more of this..

she doesnt need more of this....

.... :/

but one thing i need to tell her is that

dont give up.

sundays are always the longest.
especially cause..

fuck. the day really knows how to turn around
and bite you on the ass.

ugh.

16th bday!

im officialy 16 now! :D i feel pretty old !
seroiusly, this year is the best birthday EVER! :]
the beach was really amazing <3
i got an electric guitar!!!
a recording mic! (like HOLY SHIT! :DDDD)
and a freaking nice dress shirt (thanks baby, you seem to konw what i look good in :])
like seroiusly im like sooo amazed right now!
thanks to all the people who chipped in, came to the beach to make this birfday sooo freaking awesome!

and special thanks to my baby, she is so awesome, amazing, fantastic, wonderful :]
without her this bday couldnt have been like this !
the time i got to spend with her at the beach was priceless :] <3
she never ceases to amaze me and make me smile :D

im 16, soon driving baby! just for you

and btw i get to record songs for you now!

987 <3

im always doing something wrong...
especially on sundays.

WHOOOSH :]
today went by REALLY fast!

so in the morning i went to go meet up with my baabbbyy :]
and we went to go walmart to buy supplies and we met kyle!
heheh that was coool

beach was like amaaazing :D
i wana thank everyone for coming and making it like the best birhtday thing ever!
(esp. hunniebunchies <3 she's awesome fantastic wonderful :] love spending time with you!)
it was crazy today! people get freaking c aked, sunset <3,
it was cool me clara kyle kristen hung out a bit heh
and omg pictures :]
perfect in our own way !
and a thought i have; the realest people i know: baby(clara) and kyle

anyways i really liked today!
happy birthday kyle!
and
iloveyoussooooomuch baby! :D

ugh.
im a horrible person.. :/

can you help me
can anybody out there help me?

and i will take
you in my arms
and hold you right where you belong...

i just want to love you more and more,
to love you better,


always baby,
always..

iloveyou.

she is...
the sweetest girl ever <3
the best,
the cutest,
most beautiful girl
i know :D

so i sang for her on the phone earlier! i was soo nervous ><
like i started sweating right after xD

but hopefully it realy made her day even just a bit better :]

baby i love you <3

HAPPY 11 MONTHS baby <3

last night we got to hang out for abit and it was just as amazing as the last everytime :]
i wish we had like LOTS more time together!

so today was pretty like monotonous until i got to talk to her :]
she wasnt doing too great >< so i tried to cheer her up and hopefully it worked!
baby ill always be here for you, ill always make time for you, acuse you are my world,
i want you to be happy, and i love you soo much.

yesterday!
was amazing :]
the morning went by like SUPER fast and it was loots of fun with her :D
she wrote on that wall in the alley and drew on the trash can! heheh she's so darn cute !
i just wanna like hold her like everytime i think of her!
so we just like pulled a spring break at the park yesterday x]
but dang, it feels good just to be with her! and it was still loads of fun!

after that the day got like looonger and longer cause she wasnt there ! :/
heh its okay hopefully we can hang out tomrrow too :D

i love her <3 987

i want to...

show you more how much i love you

to give you all the hugs alll the kisses you deserve

and all the i love yous and i miss yous that i feel.

i want to...

show you more how much i love you

my heart melts, softens
ANY time i think of you.

im always so afraidof losing you. ><

listening to lyrics of songs
i've realized how much some songs can tell you
about life n crap.
in some cases they can explain alot.

omg
got that gig over with it was so freaking
nerve racking
BUT i had my #1 fan there to make it all good :D
i seriously feel like calm or ilke
i can do things when shes there!
and like when im with her i just like
iono!
my heart just like
IDK how to explain this feeling!

Love!

soo....i could barely sleep...
all i could think about was her
and how i feel all alone again...
what makes me feel even worse,
is that i did this to myself.

idk what got into me yesterday.... but that didnt feel like me..

im hurting myself.

im scared.

of losing her...
i love her,
i Need her.

so what the freak am i doing....

for that once in awhile, i wanna effing cry.

i ruin every goddamn thing...

sooooooooooo
omg
im so nervous about saturday ><
like i feel like im prepared but then agin not enough
ANYWAYS
today she wrote me this really cute note today <3
it was on an H&M reciept heheh it was really cool :]
just like how i wrote on a tissue box cover LOL random xD

todayyy after schooool
i missed her soo much!
like i just sat here and thought about her and her smile
her hugs and how happy she makes me :]
i love her :D

these past weeks have been so messy...

my mind is like all over the place
and i feel like its getting harder to concentrate ><
i want a break :/ weekends arent enough .

on the other hand....
i love her :D
she's so
goshdarn cute :]

i hate my mom.
shes so fucking annoying.

it feels so different....

:/

:/
its amazing how empty and lonely i can feel sometimes...
cause im missing her..

im dont want to lose you....

ima fucking retard.

and i am incredibly fucked up.

no one deserves to go through the crapi put on people.....

i just shouldnt say anything anymore?

and no matter what i keep feeling like im that person you hate so much in your posts... cause i am one messed up person.....
im coming to believe that is me. that person she describes as the worst.

soo today, sunday, was just as lazy as any other.
it was FREAKING warm ><
today was kinda messy, but yeah its alright :]
iono its like even if shes all sad and stuff talking to her still makes me feel... iono how to explain this heh xD its like this one feeling... like i really matter to her?
she really IS the best <3
and ill do anything just to make her feel better :D
cause i love her!
and ill always be there for her.

Love - 987.

lalala first post?

first things first post.
i love her so much. she is everything. <3
september 8, 2007. 987.