fFriday august 8

today was fuckin nuts. not in the good way.
serioulsy wake up to testing adn i couldnt concentrate
all i could th ink about was her and how she was gna be gone for a few days.
and now i cant even talk to her till tuesday and shes probably frustrated.
chilled at jrs that lasted forever. sat there, played games the whole time
powerstation was boring. just wasnt feeling much fun there.
watched pineapple express, to me it was a disappointment, we got scared cause jrs older friend
said they were checking id's for 21 year or older to accompany minors and so jr and patrick started askign people to help us in but we ended up just walking in with a huge group we didnt know. me n ryan were just sitting htere like dude i dont htink its worth all the trouble asking for a 21 yaer old to get in. but yeah we got in and the movie wasnt that great. i mean another movie that m akes my "friends" wanna go smoke some more weed. real great. i mean seroiusly i dont see ANYTHIGN in that smoking shit. im probably gna be one of the few clean ones. i forced lots of laughs today. ugh. im really starting to get just idk...bleh with everything right now. I dont have anyone to talk to cause my "closest" friends just sit there play games and wanna do shit that they think makes them look cool like smoke pot and drink. well yeah count me out. got back at 2 and it wasnt even fuckin worht it.
here i am sitting here just wishing i had someone to talk to besides having to "laugh" at every dirty or weird joke that comes out and make weird jokes just to fit in. i used to think making all those jokes, that was who i was being all open and free in that way, but now i feel like im not even close to that person cause its just hard for me to really crack up at those kinds of jokes now and that kind of humor, im not really into gaming and all that stuff, im not into all that drinking and smoking shit that makes you feel "good" i sometimes believe if i was really having a good time i wouldnt need that shit. or bassically im saying you dont need that crap to have a good time and thats why i dont. theres nothing even the slightest bit appealing to me about stuff like that. and its like "oh you wont know how it feels till you try it" well yeah i dont plan on trying that stuff. i got a lot more to do than get fuckin high, even if im just sitting around at home doing nothing, i dont care, tahts even probably more productive than smoking shit. and asdfkl i feel so damn alone right now. just ranting on about shit. i really needed to get this stuff out. likes eriously most of the time i go to jrs so i dont hvae to feel so alone, but it turns out over there is one big rreason why i feel this way so what the fuck am i supposed to do.


the only person i could talk to is distances away.
i really miss you like crazy right now....