todays post:

(refer back to the "Imissher" note/letter/post)

except i feel 100x that.
and like more layers are being added to the wall,
and length is added to the distance
just in those few minutes it can make me miss her so much more.

shes got me so into her, that one small thing knocks me into pieces and my self esteem is at a low again.

:/
i dont know why i get this way
so easily...
i hate it.

since i cant write notes right now...
ehh today well i wanted to come up with something so here goes :
When I miss my baby...
I think about being with her, holding her, holding her hand (is your hand heavy?)
what itd be like if she was here with me now (lively, fun and love-filled)
I have this feeling kinda physical and mentally spiritually? idk how to put it in those terms, but like a longing for her to be back in my arms again,
I think about her,
the warmth I feel whenever I'm with her, the comfort, care and love
her one of a kind smiles, hearing her laugh,
how cute, stunning beauty, pretty she is. (unmatchable)
her humor and how she makes me smile like nonstop
I wonder if shes thinking about me and missing me too
how my mood always drops whenever shes not around
I think about how much I love her (always and infinitely)...

hehe so i KNOW i surprised babe today in a good way!
even though she like totally wont admit it!! hmph
anyways so we ended up watching transporter 3
and it was so lame -__- JEEZ
LOL pretty darn cheesy too

yeaahh thanksgiving weekend! relief! kinda. hw -__-

lalala so liike nearlay lost my voice today cause i coughed so much ><

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth? yes
Where were you last night? at homeee duh!
What is today's date? November 25th
Who was the last person to call you baby/babe? my cutie babeee <3
When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout? SO MUCH EASIER.
Anyone crushing on you? dont think so
What is your relationship status? taken. AND LOVIN IT 987!
Has anyone ever sang to you? yesss
Has anyone ever given you roses? nope LOL
If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? i am the king of the wilderness. they call me. the jeffreyMONSTER
Who do you text the most?: Clara
How do you make your money? sigh parents
First person to text today? none0
What is your favorite color(s)? white blue some green red
What color are your eyes? dark brown
What is a compliment you receive often? I THINK YOU GOT SKINNIER! (i wish)
How tall are you : 5'4''
Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? babbby todaaay
Do you like your parents? eh theyre okay sometimes
Do you secretly like someone?: No
Why did your last relationship end? n/a
Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? Clara V. Tran
Where is the furthest place you've traveled? China!
Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? eat ( explains much about me)
Do you look more like your mom or your dad? my dad i thinki
How long does it take you to shower? 15-20 minutes
Can you do splits? used to on one side xD
Are you flexible? more than average people
What did you do on New Years Eve?I WAS IN CHINA. NOTWHERE I WANTED TO BE :[
Was your mom there? unfortunately
Can you speak any other language than English? oui!
What is the last letter of your middle name? n
How many hours of sleep did you get last night? dont remember xD
Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?: only in front seat
Are you scared of flying? flying is awesome
What do you sleep in? bball shorts and tshirt
Who was the last person you kissed? clara baby
Do you like funny people or serious people? both!
What are you listening to? the hum of my computer
What jewelry do you wear all the time? none
What do you have planned for tonight? nothing LOL
Is the last person you kissed older than you? NOPE and im not a pedophile
Do you prefer myspace or socialsplash? myspaaacceeeeeee
Do you have a favorite item of clothing? tshirts HAHAA I CANT GET ENOUGH OF EM and shorts.
Do you like messages or comments better? Messages
Last movie you saw in theaters? Madagascar 2
Last thing you ate? soup with watercress
What was last thing you drank? soup with watercress
Are you happy right now? yesiamhappyisgoodhappyisalwaysgoodandwelcome
If you could have one thing right now what would it be? more time with her
Who makes you happiest right now? my oneee and onlaayy :]
What were you doing at midnight last night? shleeping my ash off
Are you left handed? nope
What was for dinner tonight? rice and dishes
What is the last thing you thought about? my nose is clogged
When is your birthday? 6-2-92
Do you want to get married & have children one day? definitely watermelon!

yeah...
in response to the post i made earlier:
yeah.. then i remembered that i realized i should jsut keep my mouth shut.

im starting to think that guys shouldnt express too many or too much emotion
and shouldnt really focus on how we feel
it just doesnt work out with us (guys)
but then again we dont wanna be emotionless.

this would be my first time admitting this... :
one of my biggest fears, is that she finds someone else to confide in and open up to.
because that person is easier to open up to n stuff and they can make her feel better. for someone to succeed where im failing.

hasdfajdf i fucking hate today.

ugh who am i kidding?
maybe i want too many things.
or maybe the things i want to do, arent within my reach.
and so i lied to myself.

certain moments, things, can jsut set the distance between us...
:/
i feel close, yet distant.

its just so hard... to know whats going on in other peoples minds...
to know how they're feeling.. what they're thinking about...

its weird.. well maybe not exactlty weird but yeah,
how you just saw someone today, but you start missing them a heck of a lot when they're not around even though you know you're gna see them the next day.
I really didnt know one person could influence me so much. >< (not a bad thing babe)
I just like being around you, with you, its just so comforting and peaceful, yet lively and fun.
its simply just amazing.
I guess thats how i could miss someone so much in such short time nd stuff, i miss the feeling of being with her, next to her, holding her, all those things.

You cant really know what happens past high school. Cause after that, lots of things can change. sometimes i wish i could know, yet it might be a bad thing to; or im scared to know what lies in my future. Will I get into a good college? will i get a good job? will i become successful? Do i become what i want to become? I really, truly love her, I really want us to still be together and continue.
Will the economny get better? Will things happen the way i want them?

Who knows?

Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
my baby :] <3><><><

How long does it take for you to fall aslee​p at night​?​​​
varies

What'​​​s in your pocke​t?​​​
i actually HAVE PANTS ON my keys xD

Where​ did you buy the shirt​(​​​s)​​​ you'​​​re weari​ng now?
hot topic

Have you ever thoug​ht about​ getti​ng your lip pierc​ed?​​​
nope

Have you ever cried​ and not known​ what it was for?
nooo

What are you weari​ng on your feet?​​​
nothing! naked ! xD xD

What were you doing​ at 8:​​​00pm last night​?​​​
sleeping or on coputer

Last perso​n who drove​ you somew​here?​​​
dad

What were you doing​ this morni​ng at 7am?
sleeping

What do you need to be doing​ right​ now?
bio

Where​ were you Frida​y night​?​​​​
cristinas house/ cpk

Somet​imes,​​​​ do you wish you were someo​ne else?​​​​
sometimes xD

When were you last outsi​de?​​​​
an hour ago xD

Are you avail​able?​​​
taken!

Are you easil​y confu​sed?​​​​
YEP

Are you happy​ with the way life is going​?​​​​
i guess heheh

if theres any words ive stopped using seriously, its "i hope.. lbah blah blah"
why? cause if i said it seroiusly for something i wanted to happen, it never works out.
its like a contrast. idk why, hope never really works out for me, and a lot of times
only makes things worse because when i say it, it gives me and any others false idk the word.. false assumptions? that things are gna get better or things will always go that way, so in the end we expect things to happen and so when they dont we're all asldfalsdfkasdf. unfortunately for me, ive used the word lots throughout the past years and each time produced nothing but broken expectations and lots of frustration. i thought saying "i hope" generally makes people happier and makes people believe in things, but for me, its the opposite now (if i say it anyways) i dont know why it happens to me, but yeah.

note to other people, you guys can still say it around me, im just not saying it for anythin serious haha

so uh
this goes out to my baby clara! love you baby :] (im actually saying its you this time heeh )
stoday was funn heheh even though the weather was crap LOL
madagascar was pretty fuun random in some parts, but funny :]
LOL so we had THAI FOOD for dinner ! how often does that happen! heheh :]
alsdfasldfj thanks baby for paying >< I TOTALLY FREAKING OWE YOU I TOTALLY GET NEXT
SO NOT FAIR :[

heheh i had fun today :] the bracelet looks beautiful on her :D!
i love you with alllllll my heart :D from my heart to yours *wink HAHA

qsdjasdjflkadf things just arent looking too great anymore...
just in freaking time. ugh.

im like on the verge of giving up.

everythings so fucking messed up right now.
and i feel fucking hopeless.

aslkfad why do things always end up like this..
once one thing goes on, things just pile up.

why does/did today feel so...
yeah.....

im like so freaking tired physically
and of things.

i just want .... yeah.

so today was our day off SWEET RIGHT? yeah :]

i hung out with my baby at her house for 3 hours! wish it was longer ><
heheh it was funny :D ticklishi?! suureee? heheehe
well yeah we layed there
and yeah HAHAHA
fun fun fun :] i love her :] <3 alll my heart!
hehe
it feelsso chill today i like it :D
should be like this everyday! feels sooo goodd hehehe
anyways man theres school tomrrow!
days like these omg, wish theyd last!

i hate how i cant do anyting cause i have all this crap going on.
i hate how i cant drive resulting in how i cant do much.
i feel so fuckin limited.
things are becoming routine.

alkdsfalsjlajdslfaslfjskdj

what is a "friend"
it seems harder and harder to define
or to find a real one thsee days.
i mnea it seems like friendhsip in general is losing its meaning
i mean some people say oh its really easy to make friends and stuff
but how many of those"friends" are real?
man.... people...

is it jsut me cause im seriously getting tired of seeing the BAEST crap.
seems like a label for them just so its an excuse to act all cocky n shit.
i mean half the groups in this freaking school think they're the shit or they rule the school.
and thers like 75% of the people who think of themselves as cool.
seroiusly at our school, its not hard to tell what kinda people are by judging them by their "cover"
people really getting on my nerves.

what the heck do i want.
what do i want in life?

i really dont know...its scattered all over the place.

....ugh
im mad at myself for falling asleep....
i feel so horrible..

oiiii

im sooo tired ><

iwanna sleep in . er MY kinda sleeping in xD

so um whats been on my mind these past few days?

nothing realy LOL uhhh ...

i want the enext break to come !
waiting for april to get my license hehe
i feel like running around like a kid LOL
just to get that energizing freee feeling :]
WEEEEEEE

yaayy 100 pposts wow xD

im pissed though
freaking volleyball.
i know i coulda made it too
asdlfasldfsdj!

on a happy note:
OBAMA WINS :]
makin history 2008

yesterday was halloween.

I PUT JR ON THE FLOOR WHEN HE TRIED TO JUMP ME
WOOO
heheh
anyways

cristinas house was pretty funny LOL
the covenant was NOT my movie HAHAHA (girls)
one missed call was like nooot scary at all heheh
cause cause acuse im sucha man :]
the food was pretty good eystrday too heheh
this was like one of the first halloweens i can remember not eating A SINGLE peice of candy !
im so proud of me heh
PROVES I AM TOTALLY NOT A FATASS
i think this was a nice change and a pretty good halloween :]